If I were you I would be afraid from myself. You became the worst creature in the worst place. Your actions define you, and, in your case, there's no turning back. Because this is what you are and who you will be. Remember past and live alone, live the present and take risks, think about future and get death.
People are what they have lived, and you're nothing. All lives you could have had are in your mind, there's no possibility to make them real. There's no option.
So, if I were you, I would sympathize from myself. And that's what I do, because there's no "If I were...". I am you. I am.