Nothing's gonna change.

- Puede que incluso ni me mire a la cara cuando lo haga.
- Tampoco va a mirarte si no lo haces.

This is the real life?

Esos momentos en los que crees recuperar la cordura se esfuman en cuanto te asomas al precipicio, observas la realidad, la comparas con lo que creías y te das cuenta de lo que es. En esos instantes en los que no sabes dónde está la mentira ni cual es la perspectiva equivocada.
A esos yo los llamo "ilusión".

Why do I sear?

Twisted thoughts that spin round my head, I'm spinning...  

How quick the sun can drop away? 

And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass,

of what was everything?

All the pictures have all been washed in black,

tattooed everything.

All the love gone bad turned my world to black, 

tattooed all I see, all that I am,

all I'll ever be...

- Black (Pearl Jam)

If I were you I would be afraid from myself. You became the worst creature in the worst place. Your actions define you, and, in your case, there's no turning back. Because this is what you are and who you will be. Remember past and live alone, live the present and take risks, think about future and get death.
People are what they have lived, and you're nothing. All lives you could have had are in your mind, there's no possibility to make them real. There's no option.
So, if I were you, I would sympathize from myself. And that's what I do, because there's no "If I were...". I am you. I am. 
Hello mind.

But you can't.

I don't belong here.